I sit at my home desk trying to stay focused – as I promised myself to do in 2012. Stay focused and keep the eyes on the prize. I’m writing a new play. A comedy that has unfortunately taken a bit of a melancholic twist  - without my permission. As I try to maneuver the genre back on the funny road – I automatically think dark thoughts, like: why are all these serial killers from the Northwest? I lived there – I could have easily gotten killed by the foot fetish guy. I envision being attacked in Manolo Blahnik strappy sandals in a wooded area.

As I shy away from that disturbing thought, the old lady that lives in my building and looks like Quasimodo comes to mind – I wonder why I don’t help her and hold her hand when she’s at the grocery across the street. I pretend not see her because I feel uncomfortable looking at her see-thru face. You literally can see everything, even food stuck in her “teeth”. I take a breath and think of Oprah. Then I make a promise to myself to be more open-minded, and assist her the next time. To hold her hand and ask her if she speaks French, have her tell me how it was to live downtown in the 50’s, to play Scrabble with her and talk about theatre in the olden days.

Once I release that thought with calmness and start to feel kind again, I switch to the dark scarcity of aging. I’m really scared of aging. I’m so terrified of wrinkles – it’s the only reason I gave up cigarettes. I also can’t imagine having a saggy butt and breasts – while sitting next to my husband on the couch during a Victoria Secret commercial. How am I supposed to feel then? And what if I run out of money when I’m old and live alone without any help. I see myself looking small and saggy, with false teeth that are too big for my mouth and make a click click sound when I eat. This is when I exit out of the play I’m writing and start doing research about eternal youth. Time is of the essence.

I finally come across something I find credible: “The High School Reunion Diet: Lose 20 Years in 30 Days”, by David Colbert. I order it immediately on Amazon, but I’m way too exited to wait for the rushed delivery, so I start reading a bit on the Amazon page and it starts like this: You LIKE YOUTH. You want to either keep what you have—-or get some of it back. The radiant skin, the lithe, maybe even ripped body, the good hair, the confidence, the cool….

This is what I’m talking about. The only puzzling thought that comes to mind is why isn’t everybody talking about this book? A book that can help you get younger by 20 years in 30 days. I mean!

Stay tuned my lovely audience – there will be a follow up on this youth stuff. Let’s see how it all works. In the meantime – I encourage you to follow suit and get the book. Lets’ get youthafied!

Xo

AR